my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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