if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
