They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Randomize
