Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Randomize
