I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
