If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
