I'm going to jail i love you
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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