I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
