I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
