You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
