I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
only you would photoshop your dick
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
