What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
