I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
