Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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