Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize