i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
