I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize