they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
