it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
