It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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