nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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