at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
