he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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