hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
