i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
