im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
