I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
