this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
