I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
