Sponge bath it is.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
