How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
