I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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