The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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