These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
