Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Randomize
