doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
