I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
