Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
