You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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