So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
me + whiskey = a bad person
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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