the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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