We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
