you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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