I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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