I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize