end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
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