nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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