So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
