It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
