Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
So much Jack, so little girl.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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