I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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