she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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