Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
