Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
