I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
