I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
There's always time for handjobs
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
