i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
