she woke up with a sticky ear
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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