So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
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