i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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