So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
