Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
