doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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