I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize