it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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