your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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