Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
