Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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