i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
