there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
