we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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