I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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